April showers!

April showers huh? I swear, I'm sure if my rain gauge hadn't frozen and broke, I would be having a cow keeping up with the amount of rain that has fallen this spring. I'm trying hard not to be critical about it and fall into the bitching mode, as seems to be the norm, but dang, we've had a lot of rain!

Other things that have been happening, besides working my self half to death, is the garden is in! That's right, I have the whole complete garden in the ground and by the shear grace of God, and living on a sandy river bank, it has not died of too much water. To the left is what it looks like right now. If you look real close you can see some cukes coming up!

I do love spring, I think I say that about ever season! I have to admit though, I hate pollen! The yellow covering that happens for the whole month of April is just about enough to throw me into a sneezing fit!

I spent most of the day at my folks house helping put their garden in. That has got to be the high point of living here. Spending tie with them! 

I spent time in the sun today and it helped my mood. I have to admit to St. Ignatius of Loyola, I am in the third week of the spiritual exercises. The suffering with Christ. I forget sometimes that I'm with Christ in this suffering. It's so lonely and hard to feel like anyone is with you. But like the seeds I have planted in the dirt that must die before becoming what they were born to be, I wait. 

It's so very hard to wait. So much easier to run ahead and do what I know feels right.

But I wait. 

With the seeds.

In the dirt.

   

Trees!

When I was in college, I got the chance (?) to take some classes in trees. I can't remember what the class was called, but we studied different trees and how to prune them in order to stimulate them to be the best tree they could be. That last part there was not part of the course description, it's how I look at pruning and taking care of plants.

In fact, now that I think back on it, the Agriculture department students provide a great source of incredibly cheap labor for the university. Everything from pruning trees, gathering eggs and milking cows. Now those were the day's huh Janet! 

Anyway, there is waiting that has to occur with the art of pruning. You don't just keep at the pruning! You stand back and give it a rest and see what happens now that you've loped 40% of the tree off. 

Now there is one kind of tree that I don't know much about, didn't have the opportunity at college to study many of these beauties. Citrus trees. So what does Preacher man go out and do a few years ago? He goes out and gets a lemon tree. I tried so hard the first year to treat it good and give it everything I thought it would need. That winter, it dropped leaves and just looked bad. Next summer I cut it back some and that winter it faired much better.

This last summer, I trimmed her up some but mainly, I just let her go, I waited. This fall, we've moved her back inside the house and this is what's happening now...

Can you believe that? And smell good, whatcha talking about, it smells just like Hawaii! I don't know what kind of crop we're going to have, I'm just so excited about the flowers that I can't think straight!

God showed me, this is what happens after pruning and waiting, not only in the lemon tree, but also in us, in me... 

So when I smell this gift, I think about the fragrance God is creating in me. The Lord knows all about the pruning we're going through. He did it! He knows us better than we know ourselves. He stimulates us to be the very best tree we can be!

So I get my encouragement from the lemon tree today! 
Keep waiting in hope. God has not forgotten His promise.

Surprise?

Do you like surprises? I think I can say, I do. Believe me, I understand there are surprises out there that no one likes, but as a whole, I think I like them. Now don't get me wrong, I am a planner, sorta. I mean, somethings have to be planned don't you think? Nothing is coming to mind right this very second, but I know things must be planned!

Preacher man and I went to church together yesterday. I know, this use to be something that happened all the time. With our work schedules, it's something that hasn't happened in a while. We had planned it, and knew that after church we would be hanging out with Mom & Dad. That was the plan. I had not planned to hear from God, I was just showing up.

It's been hard lately. Hell, it's been hard for awhile. Having to go back to what I know because the plan that I planned has changed. I mean even the Disciples went back to what they knew, fishing, when Jesus left. It's like a default mode that's inside of us, or at least me. We go back to what we were doing before Jesus showed up and changed our life don't we? Can I get a witness?

I have shut doors in my heart that lead to the what if's and the could be's. I've set up my own protective devises that go off when something or someone try's to open those doors. I'm fine living my life shut down and unexpectant, really.

BUT GOD...

I was able to worship even though the music could have been better. It was the words that cracked the door open. The next thing I know, tears! (I am a firm believer in tears that come straight from the Holy Spirit!) There was the knowing in my heart, I was seen, God has not forgotten me. I looked, and the dang doors were opened again. There is hope...

God does have a plan, even though I don't have a clue what it is. Am I going to be able to let Him surprise me? I hope so. 

God woo's us to Him. Woo means to seek the affection or love of someone. God is the wooer and we are the wooies. He is seeking us, wooing us to Him! Will we let Him?

I'm waiting. It's hard, but I'm waiting on God. I know He could use my help in planning all this out... I know He needs my input and my thoughts about what to do... 

My job, right now, is to wait on God. To let Him open the doors of my heart again and woo me.  

Come On Man!!

There is anxiety about winter that I guess I really never looked at before. Not only is this the time of year that we all watch the weather like a bunch of psychos, but we get up early just to leave hours before we need to, in order to get to places that we know are going to be hard to get to. Winter is hard, cold, unyielding, and long!

Preacher man is traveling to Conway for two weeks in order to complete a class. This is about a 45 minute drive into city hell. We had snow, sleet, ice and a butt kickin on Sunday, so classes were delayed till 10. They ended up staying past 5, which means it started freezing up again. So this morning, we were up at 4:45 and Preacher man was out the door, up the hill and in Conway by 6:45. At which time he received a message stating that class wouldn't start until noon. Come On Man! How long have you lived in Arkansas? Don't you know that if your going to cancel something or delay it, you need to do it the day before?

I'm hoping to get four reports done in these two weeks for my Practicum II class. It's day two and it's not looking very good. I'm also hoping to make it to the store one of these day's but I don't know if it will be today. 

Sam & Gracie in KY

It's started. The moisture is falling and freezing, or more like freezing then falling. Folks that live a little norther have it so much better than we do living on the line. The line, is the place where rain turns to sleet or ice, not snow. Snow, you can drive on, ice, well, good luck with that! 

While there is anxiety abounding around here, there is also that call to slow down, to notice, to restore. It's hard for me to do, but that just makes the call louder. So I think I'll start a fire and finish reading the books that I need to write about. 

Sorry I haven't posted lately, it's a dry season for me right now. This ice is doing a number on me and I haven't seen the sun enough to lighten my spirit. So won't you join with me and say Come Holy Spirit and bring new life to this cold soul. Rekindle spring in my heart and in my step. Amen.  

Heart

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” 

~ Howard Thurman

Ouch! That hits a little below the belt, if I do say so myself. However, on re-reading this, I have to say that it hits something very true. We don’t need to sit around and figure out what the world needs from us. In all honesty, the world probably doesn’t care. So are we going to let that stop us? Not me buddy! In fact there is a lot of freedom in this statement.

What makes you come alive? Is it reading to children, cooking, eating, gardening, giving care to a loved one, telling stories, making people laugh, fixing things, breaking things? Do it! The way I see it, if you’re waiting on the world to call you to a need, your backing up and you will be waiting for the rest of your life. That would be a shame, a flat out crying shame.

So I challenge you first off, ask the question; what makes you come alive? Then seek it out and just Do It!    

Notice

I leave tomorrow for beloved St. Scholastica, where I will be involved in a retreat given by Sister Rachel called "Waiting with Mary". I will then travel to Bella Vista to deliver BBQ sauce and spend the evening with Anne. Back at the monastery on Friday for class on Saturday then home again. So I'm getting my books and clothes in order and just trying to get things done around the house to prepare for the open house next week. I don't know why we do these things to ourselves, but we do!

While preparing for class I ran across an article William J. Connolly, S.J. called Noticing Key Interior Facts in the Early Stages of Spiritual Direction. Some of what he says stands out to me, actually, most of what he says stands out to me, he's awesome!

One of the reasons that people seek spiritual direction is become they find themselves stuck. Their prayer life isn't going anywhere, they aren't excited about God anymore, it's just dry and lonely. What I think we forget is that the Christian life is reception of and response to God's initiatives. We don't make any of this happen, at all! God does it, starts it, follows through with it, and brings it to completion. However, we must be apart of the dialogue, not only with our words, but also with our lives.

So what does that mean? Or look like? Or maybe even sound like? If Christian life is reception and response, conscious growth in Christian life will depend on noticing God's action and one's own response. Think about it; you can go through life and never notice that God is calling you to a certain vocation, a certain relationship, or anything else for that matter. I believe it's because we give to much credit to ourselves. Someone, somewhere said "God help's those who help themselves", not Biblical forks! Anyway, the point being, or the question I'm asking is: Are you noticing? We can grow consciously, humanly, and spiritually if we notice what is happening in our hearts.

During this time of rushing around, trying to be all things to all people, let's just stop and notice what's really going on in our hearts. Just start with something small, but start. Notice how you react to things asked of you. What happens when they expect you to do... How do you respond? When your responding, how does it feel in your heart? What is God saying to you in that moment? 

Dread!

I can not remember it being this hot, this early, in a long time. If it has been this hot I was living at a pool and just didn't care. I'm all about staying inside to be cool, but this long term, no outsideness is making me crazy. I don't want to open another box! I have no where to put the boxes I've unloaded, the paper that everything is wrapped in, nor do I want to find one. So I shall retreat to blogging!

I'm getting ready to be at Mount Eagle this weekend to finish up the 2 year program on Spiritual Direction. There's a part of me excited about it and a part that's dreading it. I keep holding onto the dreading part for some reason. Why do we do that? We just don't drop the dread! For me, if I drop it and the worst happens, it will hit me unexpectedly and I will burst into flames and cry in front of everyone! Isn't that silly? But it's true, we hold on to the dread cuz we don't want to be surprised. Now being surprised in the good way, well that's a horse of a different color.


It all comes down to trust and control. It always does in some shade or fashion for some reason. We want control, because surly God doesn't know what's best for me like I know what's best for me! Until we let go of always needing to be in control, we are stuck on the merry go round, when we should be on the trapeze! 

There we are, just swinging. Comfortable with the speed, height and view. In order to grow, do anything new, we have to let go of that bar and wait, our feet firmly planted in mid air, for the other bar or other person to come into our grasp. What if they aren't there? What if something happened to the bar and I let go and ...nothing! We have to trust that God has a plan and this is part of it. We have to let go of trying to control our life and live it. He would not bring me this far just to let me fall! I must trust in the process and know that bar will be there and I will grab ahold of it!


     

Mary Jean

One of the sweet souls I have had the chance to get to know while here has been Mary Jean Harris. Mary Jean has the best gray white hair in church, she has three daughters, is a widow and loves her some Jesus. I met Mary Jean at a study we did as a church called Contagious Christian, we were in the same small group and then when we broke up into even smaller groups, we were together. She's fixing to be 82, she get's dizzy sometimes and while her mind is still sharp as a tack, I can see her struggle to get the words to come out right sometimes. Above all, is her quick wit and sense of humor. 


It was announced that Preacher man was being appointed to Sylvan Hills in Sherwood, right before communion at third service. I was sitting on the front row and as I looked to my right I saw Mary Jean. She doubled up her fist and shook it at me, on her way to receive the elements! When she came by me, I stood up, went to her, and asked what that was all about. She told me I'm mad at you for leaving me, I just got to know you! This fist shaking continued for months. I would always find her and give her a big hug and tell her that I loved her.


About a month ago, Mary Jean was at home on a Saturday and had gone into the bathroom, where she got dizzy. The next thing that she knew, she was in the tub and could not pull herself out. Her oldest daughter was to meet her at church on Sunday, but was stood up. Hattie, her sister-in-law, got concerned when Mary Jean wasn't at church and got a friend to go to the house to check on her. They found a side door open and found Mary Jean, still in the tub. 


Mary Jean has broken ribs and when she get's out of bed, has to wear this protective thing that makes her look like a turtle. She stayed in the hospital for about a week, they moved her out to Jamestown, a rehab center, where she started going down hill. Back to the hospital and we saw her yesterday and my heart just broke for her. They are talking hospice and where to put her. I grabbed a hold of her hand and saw the light come on in her eyes. I swear I saw down into her soul, looking into her eyes I saw things she could not tell me. She is tired, the pain is bad and as her daughters talked about how hard this was on them, she rolled her eyes!


My fear is she will die either before we leave or after we leave. I want to know why we can't take better care of our older people who really are full of wisdom. How come we can't help them die with dignity at home surrounded by family? Because it makes the rest of us uncomfortable? I know that death is part of life and that sometimes, we that stay need to tell them, that it's ok to go. 


When I go, I want to go, just like that. I don't want to hang on! I want to die like I've lived, full throttle, running with everything I've got right into the arms of Jesus!


God Speed Mary Jean, God Speed!
  

Shock!

Buell

I think I'm still in a state of shock. I was able to ride a motorcycle! AND pass the driving test! Got to do the written one tonight, but the big shocker came when I put my feet on those pegs and it was me and that crazy, don't want to run right, Buell! Now, it's like I told my Momma, I ain't ready to get on I-540 for probably, like, ever! but I got on that thing and rode it! I now have a totally new respect for driving in general, and will be looking for motorcycles in a whole new way. 


I'm thinking that's how God deals with us sometimes too. He teaches us something new and then watches to see if we really get. That's what has been going on with me lately. I've learned so much these past two years, and now God is watching to see if I really learned the lesson. 


Do you ever have that happen to you? You learn something, understand the importance of it, only to be tempted to revert back to the good ole way of dealing with it. This has been my time to revert, but I've been so busy paying attention to how to ride a motorcycle, that I haven't had the time to respond in like manner. So just this morning I got it, so to speak.


See, I really can't help anybody. If you don't want to be helped, hear the truth or be changed, I just don't have much for you. Jesus is who changed my life. Not self-help books, even though I've read my share of them. Not friends or family, even though some have stood in the gap for me. When I did get help, I tried to tie it to a person, but the Godly ones knew and passed on the praise to the real healer. 


My thinking is we all need help, healing, and understanding. We need someone to show us the correct way to do something, and it always helps if they know more than we do. 


I have learned so much these past two years in Rogers that I would not, nor could not have learned anywhere else. I was brought into a unfamiliar place and it was nothing like I had expected. In thinking back, I was probably warned by spiritual mentors, but I was going to be different! I was different, so different that I really didn't required a second glance. This put me in a place spiritually where I needed to be to become a spiritual director, and grow into this person that I'm just now getting to see.


I'm more than I was two years ago, heck, I'm more than I was Saturday before I got on that Buell and rode! I know who has all the answers to the questions. It took me two years in exile to be able to hear the answers, but I'm hearing them now, and I can't wait to see what the next chapter brings in help, healing and understanding. The more I learn, the more He shows me. That's why this life is a marathon and not a sprint.          

Desert

Nikon Sniper

Having spent sometime in the desert of Arizona, I believe I know what it's like to live in an oven. Well, maybe not an oven, but a dry and barren place. I have also lived in Hawaii, seeing rainfall and greenness that can take your breath. That's not to say I know how to live in paradise, but I'm sure I could figure it out. My point this day is that just cuz your living in a desert doesn't mean there's no life out there. On the same note, just because it looks like paradise, doesn't mean there aren't poisonous animals out there ready to eat you up!


This has become more and more real to me as the days go by. I'm at that place, you know what I mean don't you? That place, where you really don't know where it is, but it must be someplace, like a jumping off spot cuz things seem to be falling apart and coming together all at the same time. The paradox of life keeps slapping me in the face, when you die to self, God gives you more of your true self.


I talked with my long time spiritual director yesterday cuz I was in need of some truth. Not all the sugar coated stuff that runs around here like hungry squirrels, but the truth that asks the hard questions and leads you right up to Jesus. The questions I ask are the same ones that you ask. What am I doing? What is God calling me to? Can I do it? What if no one shows up? All of this has one thing in common, fear. I'm afraid to fail. There, I said it.


The thing we have to do is look at who is calling us. Is it the light of Jesus or the light of Lucifer? Do you know that Lucifer means light bearer? When we are in the desert, feeling thirsty and needing some shade do we simply complain, moan and groan that we're hot and thirsty? That no one understands what we're going through? Or do we take sometime to look at what's really going on? I have been doing a most excellent job in the moaning and groaning area. However, I am starting to see the beauty in the desert. That even if I'm in exile, I am growing and learning, maturing if you will.


At first look, it was paradise! I saw the light and thought it was from Jesus. The sad truth is it wasn't. I got a head of Jesus again and went after the wrong light, ending up in a barren dry place. Sometimes, we have to go to those places in order to understand we have to come to the end of ourselves before we can come to the beginning of God. Friends, this is not the first time I have had to learn this lesson and it will probably not be the last. I have to be reminded of what happens when I take the control away from God, constantly it seems. For now, I'm sitting in the Son and I thirsty for what only He can give me, won't you join me?       

Run Out of Town!

I spent this weekend on the road and in churches! I did get to spend some much needed time with my folks, which was the hidden agenda surrounded by other things I needed to do, volunteered to do and wanted to do. 


There's nothing like a run out of town to help you think it all through! I get to the point where I just can't listen to another human voice on the radio, and I just turn the stupid box off and I start to melt into my surroundings. When your going 70 down the road you don't want to melt too much. 

Roadkill Scraping Crew!

Some of the things I noticed this weekend were somewhat funny, odd/disturbing like.


1.) People are in way to big of a hurry to get nowhere special. It's plum crazy how fast people drive and how stupid they act about thinking they are the most important ones on the road. If you happen to be one of those people...Get Over Yourself and slow the heck down before you kill somebody!


2.) The interstate system must not have a roadkill scraping crew. Enouff said!


3.) This time of year, you can see so much rather through the trees than you can when they have leaves on them. You can see the different birds and what they are doing, and how spastic the squirrels really are.


4.) Why do people keep old junk cars around in a herd, if they don't run, no one is fixing them and they destroy the view? 


5.) When you ask God to show you something, you better be looking! Don't ask to grow up, be changed, get a word, see a sign, be healed, or get an answer if your head is stuck in some deep dark place sometimes called a butt! 


Right now, at this very moment, I'm in a pretty good place. I feel like the squirrel looks when it holds on to the tree with the back feet, which happen to be higher than the rest, body facing down, head up and tail moving so fast that it's truly a blur. There is excitement in the unknown of possibilities that are waiting on God's timing to happen. He's lining everything out, getting stuff in the right place and if your not watching for His movement, you will miss it. It's all about seeking, looking and being. Are you really seeing what's out there happening? How is God speaking to you through your surrounding? 


I saw a lot of hawks yesterday on my ride home. I love to watch them! Soaring on the air currents, looking for a meal, being still in a tree. They don't miss a thing! The smallest mouse, the movement of a blade of grass. Sometimes they are so focused, that they never see that Semi that's fixin to be between them and the object. 


I want to pay attention, to my surroundings and mainly, to the movement of God. Sometimes God can be that Semi, and if we're too focused on something other than Him, SMACK!     

Think

Why doesn't he ever listen to me?! So I asked this question of Preacher man yesterday right before I left for work, so I could get the last word in or stick out my bottom lip and get some stinkin' sympathy!


You know I have to talk things out, why won't you talk to me about this?
Which time?
What do you mean which time? (blink, blink. Try to look like a deer)
Are we talking about the Soup Kitchen, Seminary or now?
You just had to go and get historical on me didn't you?


The deal is, Preacher man does listen to me, bless his heart. I've come to the conclusion, that I have to talk something to death before I make a move. I've come to this conclusion after much research and long hours of reading... ok, I just talked to the girls at work and they are the same way, so I can say with somewhat confidence that most women, that I know, and talk to regularly, and I work with, do the same thing.


Then on top of all that great advice and knowledge, I'm listening to God and getting his input on the situation. So it's the girls I work with, God, Preacher man and now YOU!


It's not like I haven't been down this road before. I mean, ask Preacher man, ever few years we have to go through the same conversation and he always says the same thing! I guess I'm waiting for him to change his answer! Let me explain.


Soup Kitchen means; when not yet-Preacher man wanted me to slow down and start taking care of him and the house. I found this part time job with the soup kitchen for $7.00 an hour, 20 hours a week. It lasted for 5 years, became a 60 hour a week consuming passion! Then not yet-Preacher man got his calling to go into the ministry and that was pointing to seminary.


Seminary means; when I had to work in order that preparing to be-Preacher man could do school like it was a job and we could get in, and get out! I found a job at the seminary and after 2 years, some bad changes (for my team) happened and I was being asked, without words to leave. Preparing to be-Preacher man said I needed to rest before we got into ministry and I listen...sorta.


The soon to be called "Creek" time is going to mean now, as we prepare for our next step in ministry. Do I keep working at the Creek which doesn't pay enough to make a difference, but keeps me entertained and away from cleaning my house and taking care of the now, Preacher man.


SO there you have it! The points being: 
1) I really am not making enough money to change anything for us.
2) I get a good discount on clothes.
3) I need to take care of this Preacher man and house.
D) I need to write a talk for the walk to Emmaus and prepare for my last 2 classes in Spiritual Direction and try not to get blown away by the Spiritual Exercise that won't be done until May!
6) I'm good at my job and love the girls I work with.


Your input is welcomed and if you don't give it to me, I will talk this puppy to death!       

Mary said what?

You know, sometimes I feel like I really get it! I'm on board, ready to do what is asked of me, go above and beyond, that extra mile thing. Then there are times like today when I feel like sticking my tongue out and going "Pbbbbbbt" all over everybody. So you have been warned!
Maybe it's just better if I do what Preacher man said I should do, "Go run the grump right out of yourself". I frustrated with my group, my Garmin, my blood work results, the season, my work, my lack of direction and being unfocused. I want to sit out in front of this house and throw rocks at people driving by speeding in a school zone. I want to shake people who don't get that the change has to come from within, not the government. 


When you boil everything down, it's all about relationships. Always has been, always will be. I just get tired of saying the same thing especially when no one is listening. Not that what I have to say is new and different, it's just now I think I know a little bit about how the prophets of old felt. No wonder Jonah ran away from what God asked him to do. He wanted those folks to get what they deserved, and I gotta say, "I'm with you Jonah!" Let then reap what they sow, see if I care. 


And then, the trinity got involved and sent Gabriel down to chat with Mary. And you know what happened? Mary said YES! She didn't sit down to figure out how she was going to explain all this to Joseph or her parents before she said YES, she just said, I am your hand maiden! Holy Moly!! Do we do that? Ever?


God is trying to communicate with us daily, but we are in too big of a hurry to hear, let alone say YES! I think of the times He's asked me to do somethings and I have said no, not right now, maybe later. I'm sick about it too, cuz what if I had said yes? This makes me not want to miss a second chance, that God might ask again. So I wait, during this season of advent, which is what we are called to do, wait and listen. Even when I would rather hang out with Jonah in the belly of a big fish! 


Come Lord, your servant is listening. 


Now I'm going to run the grump right out of myself! 
    

Wait!

I long for the day that we would own our own spot of dirt somewhere. It's hard to be a renter after you've owned a home and land, not impossible, but challenging to say the least. Preacher man and I a few sayings about living here, one of them goes like this..."I hate this house!" The owners have put some paint over things that should have been repaired and it really get's under Preacher man's skin, cuz he ain't put together that way. 


Yesterday was put lights on the outside of the house for the Christmas season. We bought these lights when we owned our home in Kentucky and they were beautiful! They don't do much for this house and they aren't all working. After a few hours, 12 fuses and a jar full of spare bulbs, they are hung, but not working. I suggested trashing them and just getting some more, and the response was, "Not while we're in this house!" We are done with this mole infested, too many dang trees in the yard, wall paper falling off the wall, dishwasher dying, drafty little piece of paradise. So we wait.


Waiting is hard and something we don't like to do with our fast food, pull up window mentality. We want it done now, and that's just not how things really work. We try to change this way God set up for things to function, but it doesn't last long, if it works at all. So, as hard as it is, I'm trying to embrace the waiting, and in doing that I'm starting to look and listen differently. 


When you wait in a waiting room at the doctors and if by the grace of all that is holy, you didn't bring your smart phone or your book, what do you do? I bet you people watch. We are having to do a "In Between" thing for my class. Sister Rachel has asked us to really see in some public place what absorbs/preoccupies me, others? AND to ponder what has been my love experience with God? My experience of self-sufficiency? Have you ever tried to ponder with a smart phone around? It just doesn't work people! I have been trying to do this and I am sadden by how hateful we are to each other even during this time of year! We don't have time, won't make time, yell at the car in front of us, don't wait for the elderly to get to the check out stand before us, open doors, smile or wish folks Merry Christmas, cuz we don't want to offended anyone so we say Happy Holiday's if we say anything at all.


WAIT!!!!!! Take a slow, deep breath, hold it for a second and slowly let it out, with all your pent upness! Do it 5 times! Now, listen... 


We all have to wait for different things and getting all up in the air doesn't make the time pass any faster. Try to learn the lesson of waiting with an expectant heart. Even if your not good at it to begin with, try it again and again. God will bless you, if you will but try and listen for His voice.