Epiphany Sunday! The end of the 12 day's of Christmas, as today is day 13 and the day the Gentiles got it! I like to think of it like the day a big light came on! It is also the day that we celebrate the Three Wise Men showing up at Jesus' place and bringing him gifts. The period from January 7 to Ash Wednesday has no central theme and is one of two seasons of Ordinary Time. I mean, we have the Baptism of the Lord on the 13th and Transfiguration Sunday is February 10th, but Preacher man is starting a series on prayer so we won't be "celebrating" those Sunday's, so to speak.
This week we also start our new Bible study on prayer and I'm pretty excited about that. We will have 2 meeting times on Tuesday's so we can hopefully give everyone the opportunity to come. It's just a thrilling time for me right now, because it's time to get down to business. The church is starting to trust us, the prayer team is growing and is understanding how important prayer is, new people are on committees and it's just a new year with new things in store.
I'm also at the half way spot for my Practicum I class, which is good and strange all at the same time. I'm working on my strengths and limitations as a director, which has been an enlightening experience, to say the least. It's been good to gain self knowledge and to be ok with how God has put me together. There always needs to be growth, as I'm fond of saying, God takes us as we are, but He doesn't leave us that way!
I hope to start walking tomorrow and to do some Sherd, we'll see. One of the crazy women in the church, that's a retired nurse, came in today and gave Preacher man and I a flu shot. We have been baulking the whole flu shot thing for years! Two things she said changed our minds this year: Flu shots are like seat belts, they're there, but you don't have to use them, and The church is one of the best places to spread germs, you know, we love on each other and stuff. Fine Audrey! I took your dang flu shot! Dang nurses anyway!
I leave tomorrow for beloved St. Scholastica, where I will be involved in a retreat given by Sister Rachel called "Waiting with Mary". I will then travel to Bella Vista to deliver BBQ sauce and spend the evening with Anne. Back at the monastery on Friday for class on Saturday then home again. So I'm getting my books and clothes in order and just trying to get things done around the house to prepare for the open house next week. I don't know why we do these things to ourselves, but we do!
While preparing for class I ran across an article William J. Connolly, S.J. called Noticing Key Interior Facts in the Early Stages of Spiritual Direction. Some of what he says stands out to me, actually, most of what he says stands out to me, he's awesome!
One of the reasons that people seek spiritual direction is become they find themselves stuck. Their prayer life isn't going anywhere, they aren't excited about God anymore, it's just dry and lonely. What I think we forget is that the Christian life is reception of and response to God's initiatives. We don't make any of this happen, at all! God does it, starts it, follows through with it, and brings it to completion. However, we must be apart of the dialogue, not only with our words, but also with our lives.
So what does that mean? Or look like? Or maybe even sound like? If Christian life is reception and response, conscious growth in Christian life will depend on noticing God's action and one's own response. Think about it; you can go through life and never notice that God is calling you to a certain vocation, a certain relationship, or anything else for that matter. I believe it's because we give to much credit to ourselves. Someone, somewhere said "God help's those who help themselves", not Biblical forks! Anyway, the point being, or the question I'm asking is: Are you noticing? We can grow consciously, humanly, and spiritually if we notice what is happening in our hearts.
During this time of rushing around, trying to be all things to all people, let's just stop and notice what's really going on in our hearts. Just start with something small, but start. Notice how you react to things asked of you. What happens when they expect you to do... How do you respond? When your responding, how does it feel in your heart? What is God saying to you in that moment?
I sit here and look at the two books and one article that I should be writing a paper on and I want to scream! Compare what you find in the 3 sources! They are all three about the Spiritual Exercises only they are a little different because they were written by 3 different people. Only problem, that sentence doesn't make a paper.
I also need to be re-reading my journal notes from last years exercise and I can't find one of the journals. How is that even possible? It's the red one with my name written across it in two different directions. The only reason I remember that is because I was staring off into some of my pictures today and I say it in a picture. Great! But what did I do with it after the picture was taken?
Preacher man is at a meeting and I just can't bring myself to write a paper that would make much sense right now.
I leave Friday afternoon to travel to Fort Smith, to stay at St. Scholastica, which almost feels like a home away from home. Funny thing is, it only feels that way when I start to leave. It's not that I want to be a Nun, even though I've told Preacher man if anything happens to him, I'm gone. It also isn't because the food is awesome, even though I have a new love for soft boiled eggs. It's because when I'm in the monastery, I feel The Presence like a thick blanket of fog that you can't run through, you can only walk slowly into it!
It's not that The Presence is only at the monastery, it's just easier to pick up on there. You are forced to slow down, invited to walk the labyrinth, the gardens, check out the small book store, sit in swings or just stay in your room, which by the way has no TV. As you go through the grounds you continually ask yourself if you could live there, like they do, in a community. I feel like that would be the easy part for me, what would be hard would be the solitude.
Come to think of it, solitude is becoming something I rather enjoy as of late. Strange, this extrovert of all extroverts likes to be alone sometimes. I'm not very good at it yet, but feel I'll keep at it to see where it goes. It's just easier to be around people and to get energy from them so that I can do whatever it is I need to do. I like to blame being alone on why I can't get anything done around the house, I'm tired of doing it alone.
Yet, in the quiet of being alone, there is a certain stillness that grabs my attention and calls to me. It could be the deep calling to deep. I don't want to miss God's presence, and if I don't take time to be in solitude, I just might miss it.
I have been away for far too long. It will be good to be back among the Sisters and The Presence.
