This has become more and more real to me as the days go by. I'm at that place, you know what I mean don't you? That place, where you really don't know where it is, but it must be someplace, like a jumping off spot cuz things seem to be falling apart and coming together all at the same time. The paradox of life keeps slapping me in the face, when you die to self, God gives you more of your true self.
I talked with my long time spiritual director yesterday cuz I was in need of some truth. Not all the sugar coated stuff that runs around here like hungry squirrels, but the truth that asks the hard questions and leads you right up to Jesus. The questions I ask are the same ones that you ask. What am I doing? What is God calling me to? Can I do it? What if no one shows up? All of this has one thing in common, fear. I'm afraid to fail. There, I said it.
The thing we have to do is look at who is calling us. Is it the light of Jesus or the light of Lucifer? Do you know that Lucifer means light bearer? When we are in the desert, feeling thirsty and needing some shade do we simply complain, moan and groan that we're hot and thirsty? That no one understands what we're going through? Or do we take sometime to look at what's really going on? I have been doing a most excellent job in the moaning and groaning area. However, I am starting to see the beauty in the desert. That even if I'm in exile, I am growing and learning, maturing if you will.
At first look, it was paradise! I saw the light and thought it was from Jesus. The sad truth is it wasn't. I got a head of Jesus again and went after the wrong light, ending up in a barren dry place. Sometimes, we have to go to those places in order to understand we have to come to the end of ourselves before we can come to the beginning of God. Friends, this is not the first time I have had to learn this lesson and it will probably not be the last. I have to be reminded of what happens when I take the control away from God, constantly it seems. For now, I'm sitting in the Son and I thirsty for what only He can give me, won't you join me?