Present

So, I thought I was dying early Saturday morning. I had gone to bed with chest pain that radiated down my right arm. It hurt to swallow, but it wasn't indigestion. I had eaten catfish for dinner, but didn't think it was any of that. So at 3 AM, I'm awake, worrying about having this heart attach that seems to be lasting for way too long!

After racking my brain trying to figure out what I had done, what Preacher man said to me earlier came back to me: Maybe you pulled something!

That's when the light came on and I remembered hauling around a 12 foot ladder at work! I had pulled some of my chest muscle, on the right side! One of the first things my sister says to me is You know, your not 21 anymore! To be totally honest, she was more right than I wanted her to be. 

Yes, I do think I can do the same physical stuff that I've always been able to do. I mean think about it, if I stop moving 12 foot ladders around, #1 who's going to do it? #2 look at what I miss out on!

That brought to mind, living in the now, the presence. God wants us living in the right now, so that we can see His blessings and lessons and jobs. Yes, He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, but all WE have is right now. So I encourage you to live today to the fullest.

My heart aches over the death of Ed Greenwood. Art teacher, dad, friend, cut up. It causes me to want to live more in the present.

My sister and brother-in-law were in town for the weekend. It was great to able to spend time with them and my folks. I'm sun burnt, my right wing is not at 100% but I'm just grateful right now. It's hard to explain when you live in this gap. This place that is no longer and not yet. But here we will be until God says so. 

Remember, today is all you really have!
       

Trials

The trials of life are sent to make us, not to break us.

~ Malthie D. Babcock

I came across this in my quiet time this morning and after it punched me in the stomach, it gave me cause to ponder… I don't know if I agree totally with the statement. Wait, yes I do.

What happens when you break? What comes to mind might be bones sticking out and blood going everywhere. But what happens when it's not physical? Or on the outside, so everyone can tell? So often we think that if your not bleeding, your not hurting. I mean, think about what we say to kids when they get hurt. Let me see, are you bleeding? No, your fine. Get back out there. Yet, maybe they are breaking inside. 

So how do we deal with this not breaking during the trials of life? Well, for me, I produce way too much acid for my stomach to handle, I don't sleep through the night (been up since 12:30 and it's 4 now), I loose weight then gain it right back and I seem to cry during the strangest programs on TV. But the question is, is this breaking me?

I believe that IF the evil one has his way, yes, it will break me. But when I think about God growing me, making me, so to speak, I see this as a test, aka trial. Maybe not just like Job, but so dang close it's scary at times. I haven't lost everything like he did and I'm not sitting in ashes with sores all over me, but let me tell you, it feels like it sometimes.

I have come to a point where I can't be like them anymore. 

Years ago (it just seems like a few days ago), I could let myself fall back into default mode. You know what I'm taking about? I'm going to get all up in your face and kick the living shit out of you! If I can't do that, then I'm going to secretly sabotage you. (I think I might have been a bully when I was in high school, at times anyway. This is not news that thrills me, but I am about being real, and I have warned you about that!)

So, what's different now? Well, I think it's about letting God make me into a new creation without letting myself break back into what I know, my default mode. Let me tell you, for an extraverted, strong willed, might have had tendencies to be a bully, this is hard stuff!

Just when I think I'm at the breaking point, I read something, or someone calls with a kind word. I want to kick and spit, but that's not who God wants me to be. It maybe where they are, but I don't have to wallow in their crap with them. 

Save me, O God,

for the waters have come up to my neck.

~ Psalm 69:1

  

Burn Baby Burn!

Holy Moly Batman!!!

I don't say that lightly! Sometimes it's Wow! Today, I believe it's both for me. Almost a Beatcha-by-golly-wow! I just gotta say, Jesus is the only way!

He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver ~ Malachi 3:3

Can I get a witness? 

Preacher man and I are going through the fire. Not against each other, more like as a couple, which means it's getting pretty stinken hot around here. I opened up a devo book that I had laid down sometime ago, and Malachi was the scripture it had for today. Then it went on to say these words.

Our Father, who seeks to perfect His saints in holiness, knows the value of the refiner's fire. It is with the most precious metals that a metallurgist will take the greatest care. He subjects the metal to a hot fire, for only the refiner's fire will melt the metal, release the dross, and allow the remaining, pure metal to take a new and perfect shape in the mold.

A good refiner never leaves the crucible but, as the above verse indicates, "will sit" down by it so the fire will not become even one degree too hot and possibly harm the metal. And as soon as he skims the last bit of dross from the surface and sees his face reflected in the pure metal, he extinguishes the Fire. 

~ Pierson 

We are that precious metal. God is the refiner and He knows what He's doing. It is for our good and His glory that the dross (a waste product taken off molten metal during smelting) must come out. It's out junk, waste matter, refuse. It's so much a part of us that it takes a really hot fire to bring it to the surface so that it can be skimmed off. Without the fire, well, it stays right where it is. 

Do you know people who hold on to their bitterness like it was a precious metal? I have been holding on to my dross for dear life, but today, I'm done with it. God is refining me for more and I had forgotten that. The enemy of my soul had me blinded and preoccupied but no more. I remember it's Gods hand that holds me here and He is looking at me, expecting to see His reflection and I do not want to disappoint Him.

Raccoons

We received a half an inch of rain since Sunday sometime. Much needed moisture was sucked into the ground effortlessly. Woke up to fog this morning that was breath taking. I love fog! It makes us slow down. It heightens our sense's, while at the same time it muffles everything! Sun hasn't burned it off yet and we are pass the noon hour.

Jack had a family of raccoons that lived in his neighbors Laurel bush. Every night they would come out and cause mayhem and destruction in the stream that ran behind Jack's house. Everyday, Jack would put the rocks back where he thought they belonged. One day, Jack's friend came by and asked him what he was doing. Fixin stuff! Jack then went on to explain how, this species of varmint was put on earth, for no real reason except to make his life miserable.

The friend then said But Jack, everyone has raccoon's in their life.

Everyone has species that come in under cloak of darkness and make piles out of the rocks that lined the stream bed so nicely. The question then becomes, What are you going to do about those raccoons!

Saint Ignatius talks about seeing God in all things. 

So this is where I am with raccoons right now, trying to figure out what use they have, if any, and what I need to do with them.

I wish I had the answer to all the raccoon questions out there, but I don't. I am however, aware of the raccoon and becoming aware friends is the start. 

Do you have raccoons in your life?    

If - Then

Do you ever get to spots in your life where you think our doing ok: involved in church, hobby's, going to sunday school, small group here and there. No major fights happening on the home front. You know, feeling pretty good about things and the direction they are moving. Content. Or is it complacent?

That's when you get it, right in the kisser. Comes out of thin air, I swear! Then you spend the next few hours trying to figure out what just happened. Replaying things in your head, going over the What If's, finding a sounding board that can handle what your fixing to lay out there. As I write these words, I'm still shaking my head.

But here's the deal: If we will forgo the desire to lash out in our own defense; If we just take it, like Christ took it, we become vulnerable. Then God has an opening to show up and do what God does.

This is part of what I learned from my time in the vulnerable circle.

1. I can only change myself! 

2. It is my choice to put on Christ or not.

3. God see's me.

I chose to put on Christ yesterday. It was hard to keep my mouth shut when false accusations were flying all around me. I took it. I came home crushed and unable to figure out what to do with all that stuff.

Then this morning, God showed me. I obeyed and He gave me grace by the bucket loads. Every scripture I read this morning was straight from God's heart  to mine! 

If we obey, He is faithful.  

Awareness

I'm finding it hard to get this started for some reason. It's not that I have a lack of things to write about it, it's just figuring out what I want to open up to. 

At times, our life moves at worp speed. I mean so much is going on that if you aren't in contact with us daily, you are behind. We walk around singing Deep and Wide and we add in Fast! 

Then there are the times when life is like a slow float down the river. Moving at a speed that allows us to take in the sights and sounds. The trick for me is to bring the speed down so I can really see what's happening in the deep and wide.

I found these five questions from Mary Oliver help me to be aware of God in my life.

1. What do I notice?
2. What do I hear?
3. What is most wonderful?
4. What is most tender?
5. What astonishes me?

For me, anytime is a good time to ask these questions. I have found that doing them once a day, say at the end of the day before bed time, isn't the best time, as much as it is the default time. You know, Oh I forgot to be intentional about my questions at some point today, so I'll be aware of them now. My issue with this is; we focus on one thing as wonderful when there could have been 16. Tenderness could have surrounded us in so many different ways but we just didn't notice.

So here's my suggestion or maybe I should say confession: At the top of each hour, answer the 5 questions. If you do this for a while, you'll start doing it without even really having to think about it. The next thing you know, BAM! you'll be giving glory to God, cuz you're noticing God in your life.

Give it a try, what do you have to loose? Give me a holler if you want to talk about it.