Surprise?

Do you like surprises? I think I can say, I do. Believe me, I understand there are surprises out there that no one likes, but as a whole, I think I like them. Now don't get me wrong, I am a planner, sorta. I mean, somethings have to be planned don't you think? Nothing is coming to mind right this very second, but I know things must be planned!

Preacher man and I went to church together yesterday. I know, this use to be something that happened all the time. With our work schedules, it's something that hasn't happened in a while. We had planned it, and knew that after church we would be hanging out with Mom & Dad. That was the plan. I had not planned to hear from God, I was just showing up.

It's been hard lately. Hell, it's been hard for awhile. Having to go back to what I know because the plan that I planned has changed. I mean even the Disciples went back to what they knew, fishing, when Jesus left. It's like a default mode that's inside of us, or at least me. We go back to what we were doing before Jesus showed up and changed our life don't we? Can I get a witness?

I have shut doors in my heart that lead to the what if's and the could be's. I've set up my own protective devises that go off when something or someone try's to open those doors. I'm fine living my life shut down and unexpectant, really.

BUT GOD...

I was able to worship even though the music could have been better. It was the words that cracked the door open. The next thing I know, tears! (I am a firm believer in tears that come straight from the Holy Spirit!) There was the knowing in my heart, I was seen, God has not forgotten me. I looked, and the dang doors were opened again. There is hope...

God does have a plan, even though I don't have a clue what it is. Am I going to be able to let Him surprise me? I hope so. 

God woo's us to Him. Woo means to seek the affection or love of someone. God is the wooer and we are the wooies. He is seeking us, wooing us to Him! Will we let Him?

I'm waiting. It's hard, but I'm waiting on God. I know He could use my help in planning all this out... I know He needs my input and my thoughts about what to do... 

My job, right now, is to wait on God. To let Him open the doors of my heart again and woo me.  

Back

Last Wednesday made a month since I've posted anything on this blog. What can I say, life has been kicking my butt, or at least trying.

In the past month I quit the soup kitchen gig

, and started at a gas station; lost a dear friend to suicide and felt the scariness of not knowing Jesus; celebrated with my sister at her wedding and saw the passion of ministry in my husbands eyes again; graduated with my certification as a spiritual director and started back at running. 

Life has been trying to kick my butt, but the cool part of it is I am getting those Ah-ha moments, and I gotta tell ya, I feel like I'm starting to come back into my own skin. Or at least, I'm starting to breath again. So there is an urge to write. 

So I write and I think. 

Sometimes life is just flat out hard people! Not just for me, but for us all!  

Allow the Holy Spirit to lead you today and see what happens. 

Transition

Being in transitions is a bit like being lost. You know you have to just keep going, or turn around. If we just keep going, we either come across something that let's us know where we are or something that says, "YO, your going the wrong way, turn around!" My transitions seems to be about going forward right now, what it isn't about for me is going back.

Going back is a lot like going home, and you know what they say about that…"You can never go home!" I think you can go back home, you just can't stay there anymore, cuz it ain't your home no more!

We are aliens right now in this place. People who don't belong, outsiders, not local. I can't even tell you how many times we have been aliens in different places. It's something that we have become pretty good at, however, it is always hard. Or maybe the word is difficult. 

One of the things that seems to sooth my soul is setting up the bird feeders. I know it may sound crazy, but it brings me great joy when we are "found" by the winged ones!

This happened yesterday! They found us and have been signing and scratching and eating in great number! We have been found! It's a sign to me that God sees us and will continue to take care of our needs. 

One of the cool things we get to do out here in the valley, is burn stuff! I burned my first pile of leaves yesterday and it gave me a sense of letting go of what is dead and lifeless. I stood there and saw those leaves as being part of our life with the Arkansas Methodist Conference. It's dead to us now, as we are dead to it and in fact have always felt that way deep down inside. You have got to get those dead leaves out of the way so that the new growth can come in the spring! If you don't, nothing will grow there. (This house has stood empty for two years and it shows in the yard!) 

So we are in transition. We feel somewhat lost, as aliens always do. But God sent the birds to welcome us to this new place. God helped me see that old, dead lifeless stuff has got to get out of the way so He can spring forth with newness!

So we say with renewed hope, Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful!

Present to the Presence

I talk a lot about living in the present. I got to thinking the other day, well, if your not living in the present, where are you living? My thinking on this, is either in the past or the future. One of which is gone and you can't do anything about it, and the other might never get here. It's living in grief and regret or the land of 'what if.'

Dr. Fred say's it this way: From the vantage point of Christian spiritual practice, being present is about being present in the moment to the presence of the triune God. In that way, and in that way alone, is the meaning of any moment made clear to us.

It's not just about paying attention to what's going on around you. It's not just about living in this moment, as opposed to any other moment. It's about THE presence of the triune God. Paying attention to what God is saying through the things that surround you. Living in this moment so you can see and hear what God has for you right now, cuz that's all you've really got anyway. No promises of tomorrow.

To me, it's about making time, not finding time, to spend in THE presence of God. Starting my day with Him, always re-calabrates me. In this way, any moment is made clear. 

Fill me up Lord!!!

Preacher man and I set up for our Bible study last night around 5, came home, got it together and went back to church about 6:15. The women had been in the sanctuary last week and the men had taken the fellowship hall. We had around 20 women and 11 guys, so we thought we'd get a little closer and put the gal's in the hall and the guys in the conference room. Mind you, I set up for 24 women, cuz a few had told me they couldn't be at the first one, but would make it to the rest. We began at 6:30, after adding 2 more tables and a total of 30 chairs, which were all full! I have never in my life had 30 women show up for a Bible study, ever! There's a part of me that wants to break them down into smaller groups so we can have sharing going on, and there's a part of me that say's keep it one group. 

It blew my mind! I told them so too! I did most of the talking and I felt like that's what they wanted and needed right now. I was talking about how precious they were and that they were worthy to have God's Holy Presence live in them and it was like God smacked me up side the head. I sensed Him saying; Look at them, I love them so much and I think it surprises them. They are my sweet girls. Just look at them. Who wouldn't love them? That's when it hit me... no one has told them that before.

My heart was breaking and I really couldn't talk fast enough to get the words out. I told them again of their worth and that God had a plan for each of them. A few had expressions that showed shock, but I had to confess, I knew how hard it was to believe. How could God love me, for me? The answer is, I don't know, but I do know he does.

See, I think we as women have been tying for so long to be just as good as men that we have forgotten how to be women. We want the power and the prestige, to climb that corporate ladder and be all that we can be. But then we see that the ladder we've been climbing is leaned against the wrong wall, our power and prestige has gotten us heart attacks at 50, and we are flat out miserable! 

That my friends, is when we can be molded and formed by the master. When we come to the end of ourselves and all we can do is look up, that's when God say's My Turn!!!

So we have started on this journey of seeing our spiritual life as a cup, ready to be filled with the Divine! I am beside myself with excitement and can't wait to share with each one of these lovely ladies, just how much God loves them and to see what He has planned for each of them!

Yeah God!!! Get em!!   

Get Them In!!

I have this thought about, well church. Have you noticed that we are trying every little thing that might bring in people? Especially the collage aged folks? When I think back on that age, I had no desire to be in church. I believe the general plan, now that I look back from this side was, I was raised in church, I would run away from church, I would come back to the only thing that really filled the void I have in me! If you think about it, most collages have foundations (The Wesley Foundation) that are church based for that age group, cuz it is so hard to get them into church.


Here's my question's and my thought on this "issue". Do you really think it's the new and explosiveness that the 20-somethings are looking for? Do you think they want to be singled out and stuck in a group that consists of more of themselves? Do you think their needs and hungers are any different than your?


On thinking about this, I see that they get all the new and shiny stuff out in the world. We have the 20-something males that are moving home with their parents and staying up all night playing those war and space conquering games, possibly holding down a job, maybe going to school, and basically trying to find themselves. They don't fit into the high school classes, although we treat them like they are mature high school people, whatever that is. We play "their kind of music" in a service, yet none of them are in that service. We offer Sunday school classes that "prepare" them for the real world and wonder why they don't show up! The 20-something females seem to be fairing better or longer in collage, act like they have a plan, yet end up back home in their parents house to find themselves and get their feet under them.

I, at times, feel like I have a very old soul. The old and Holy of the church really opens my heart, that maybe part of my love for the Catholic church. However, if you know me you know I have never acted my age. In fact, I think parts of me are still about 20-something. (This would not be the physical parts!) I think young. So maybe what was once old is becoming new again.


It might be just like David Crowder said; “And the younger generation is finding that this present moment is not sufficient enough. That we need something that’s bigger than just ‘the present.’ And we need words that say something that’s bigger than the present. But we cant’ look into the future, so we look backwards and pull from what has already been said. In doing so we also realize that we’re not alone in this present moment, but in fact our history is with us.”


What once was old, is new again. Think about that. Maybe the answer is to have a blended service instead of a traditional and contemporary? Maybe we should try to make it simpler instead of so dang controlled and timed! Maybe we should let the Holy Spirit be the Holy Spirit and run the show! Who is going to die if we run late because people wanted prayer? Is it you? Then get your butt out of there and go get in line for lunch before someone else get's in front of you! Me, I'm sticking around for the prayer and the moving of the Holy Spirit! 


Come Lord Jesus Come! 

Old Hurts!

African Violets

So here it is, the end, or very close to the end of yet another year. This has been what I would classify as one tuff year, however there are parts that I would do again and that I'm incredibly grateful for. Then there are the parts that sucked and continue to do so. The strange thing is, we think by saying good-bye to a year will make the next year better. I'm getting to the point where I'm thinking that might not be so true for me anymore. 


Here's what I'm going to be working on, maybe it would be better to say that I'm going to let God work on me about. "Letting go of old hurts!" Gross huh? Something I, in my own right don't want to do, care anything about doing or letting God do through me. Yet more and more this subject keeps popping up and when that happens, I know it's God calling me into account.


I am one to lead the charge of "One day you will have to pay for what you did to me, my husband, my family, my life (fill in the blank with whatever your ranting about). I can not and will not forgive you or forget what you did!" 
Wow Kim, really? 
Why yes God, really! If I don't hold on to this, they will never be paid back in full, they will never 'get what they deserve', and they will continue to hurt others and it's got to my job in life to hold on to this hurt!... Right?
Oh my, let's look and see what I have to say about that in, how about Matthew 6:14-15, or 2 Corinthians 5:17-19.
Dang it! I knew you were going to do that.


I love how the message puts it: In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part."  ~ Matt 6:14-15


God uses us (Believers) to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God's work of making things right between them. ~ 2 Cor 6:19


But I've tried to, I've worked hard at forgiving and it never sticks.
Do you want to forgive?
yeah...
Then you need to put it on Christ and LET him do it for you.
But I really could help and I know how to get back at them and...and... Your shaking your head at me again aren't you?
Let go and let him do it for you.


This is the partnership I'm working on with Jesus! I think it's more like He's working on with me. It's not easy, and if it was everyone would be doing it huh?

   

Shortcuts

The Perfect Reader (aka Asbury Reader) covers Matthew 7:13-23 and they are using the Message. I want to share this with you, not in it's entirety, but at least some of what jumped out at me.


Don't look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don't fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life - to God - is vigorous and requires total attention.  
Be wary of false preachers who smile a lot, dripping with practiced sincerity. Chances are they are out to rip you off some way or other. Don't be impressed with charisma; look for character. Who preachers are is the main thing, not what they say...


What comes to mind for me is the easy stuff in life that we think get's us closer to God. Sitting in church on Sunday doesn't make you a Christian (or get you closer to God) anymore than sitting in your garage makes you a car. I am sure I will use that until the day I die! But think about it, did you get through school in 15 minutes a day? Does showing up in a kitchen make you a great cook? If you stand beside someone with great hair, will you have great hair too? If you answered yes to any of these, you need to stop reading this blog and call someone, heck call me, I need to hear about this! 


When I got serious about seeking God, I had to get real about a lot things I was doing that were shortcuts. One of the shortcuts I was dependent on was a study Bible. Now, there is a time for study Bibles, so don't send me comments about how much you love your study Bible and won't give it up! The Disciples Bible Studies are a perfect place for these Bibles. They give you maps, pictures and commentaries. Which is where I want to stand for a minute. 
Commentary = someones thoughts on the subject...someone other than you... = shortcut! When you read scripture, things will jump out at you. When that happens, you need to sit with it for a while and ask the Holy Spirit, What's up with this part of scripture jumping out at me? Then just listen and see what happens. Here is where the problem begins, we have to listen and we have to be still...and know that God is God and you are not. 


I decided I really didn't care what the commentaries were telling me, cuz that's not why I was in the Bible. I was in there to find out what God had to say to me. The Bible is the Living Word of God, people! That means He wants to talk to you, personally, without all the shortcuts. However, if you want to hang on to your shortcuts, God will let you. He will also let you sit in the garage making engine noises with your mouth! But you will still not be a car!!!   

Power under control!

I find it very easy to become unfocused when Preacher man is out of the house. I should be productive and getting tons of things done, but I would rather sit in my house coat in front of the computer and listen to the rain falling. It's not much rain, but it seems to be enough to wet the ground and cool things off a little.
I had a lovely evening last night with my buddy Anne. In case you don't remember, Anne is #1 at the Creek and I am #4. The boss lady doesn't let us work together too often and I think it's for a few reasons. I believe she likes to spread us out so everyone can have a good time instead of lettings us be together and it last for just a shift. Anne and I are sisters from a different mother. We decided last night that one of the reasons Preacher man and I are in Rogers is so the two of us would meet. I know there are a few other reasons, but it's nice to think that I have a reason for being here too.


I talked about The Reader the other day and I just can't get too far away from it cuz it's full of good stuff. The title of this semesters Reader is "The Perfect Reader" The scripture used is Be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect, hence, the Perfect Reader. Today JD was talking about meekness and I've done that before but I wanted to do it again, mainly cuz it helps me!


I looked up meek, can't seem to find meekness, strange. Meek; humbly patient or docile, as under provocation from others. overly submissive or compliant; spiritless; tame. gentle; kind. OK, got to say right off the bat, I don't agree with these meaning all that much and I will go into why in a minute. 


Meekness is something that Jesus blesses. Meek is something that Jesus showed us how to be. So why would it say spiritless? I like the picture of a stallion running at full throttle, powerful, fast, a force to be reckoned with. The master says the word, whatever it may be, and the stallion comes to a complete stop, right there on the spot! The power to keep going is still there, the force would take you a few more miles just on coast. But it's power under control. This is the meekness that I'm after!


Jesus didn't say 'Your going to be persecuted so find yourself a hole and get ready to live there!' He said as they have hated me, they will hate you (paraphrased by Kimer), so get ready to stand! That's a meekness. It's a still power that can burst forth at anytime, under the control of the Holy Spirit. I also picture our soldiers as this power under control. When they are born again soldiers...Look out!


I also believe meekness is a quality of heart. It's something that's in there and we need to bring it to the surface more than we do. The practice of meekness. It's not being silent when you know it's time to speak, it's not hiding and being run over when the bullies come out to run the world. It's that stallion, who can take off on a shot, and stop on a dime, that pure muscle that will twitch when held in check. It's power under control. It's what Christians are called to be!  

Butterfly

Yesterday I went to meet Pat at Roaring River State Park in MO! We make a point of getting together once a month now that we live close enough to do that and it takes about 45 minutes instead of 12 hours! Pat is one of the people in my life that I call a Soul Friend, someone who knows and cares about my soul. I only have a few of these kinds of people in my life, mainly cuz it takes time to build that kind of intimacy with someone and it's not something that you set up, it's a God thing! Pat and I have have taken numerous classes in seminary together, gone on retreats, prayed, cried and laughed for what seems a lifetime. It is always good to slow down and get real with someone who knows you. Yesterday was no exception.
One of the highlights of the day was when we stopped talking long enough to share a meal in the shade beside the river. We had visitors that numbered a total of 4 at one time. These beautiful little butterflies! When they opened their wings this bright blue was shared! They flew all around and found that I was a good place to land. Nice pedicure huh?

Butterflies have a way of reminding me of the Holy Spirit. They are light and flighty, going where the wind takes them but not really in all that big of a hurry. If you are still enough, the spirit will land on you and spend some time with you. If you pay attention this time of the year, you will see a lot of different butterflies dodging cars and birds. The beauty of a butterfly is to let is be what God called it to be and not to catch it. If you do grab hold, you will wipe some of the scales off it's wings and make it difficult to fly. The little ones aren't around for long, a week at most. The Monarchs can live up to nine months, but all things considered, they aren't around for very long. 

Butterfly in flight!

Seeing butterflies reminds me of not being able to control the Spirit. He goes where he pleases and does what the Father tells him to do. He came to us after Jesus left us, he is our helper! So today, spend sometime on the look out for butterflies. If you find one, stand still with your hands in front of you and see if he comes to land on you. Take a moment to watch how he goes where the wind takes me and pray it's not in front of a car.

The Wind

Been thinking about the Holy Spirit today, specifically in the form of wind. There happens to be a breeze going on right now and the wind chime is letting me know that something is up. 
I can remember when Daddy was stationed in Hawaii,  we had neighbors with a sailboat. They took us out for a ride one day and I will never forget it! What I found fascinating about this sailboat was that if you knew how to harness the wind you could flat out move! Getting to where the wind was blowing seemed to be the plan of the day, because while in the harbor, not much wind is happening. So you have to work at getting in the clear, but when you got there, you better know what the rest of the plan was, cuz it's time to move. The sail would go up, be filled with the wind and we held on for dear life. It was awesome, even though I was scared we were going to tip over, drown and be eaten by Jaws! Have you ever experienced what the wind can do? It's strange when I think about the sailboat compared to a tornado, it's all about the wind huh?
I feel like the Church has been running too much on it's own religious self-determination, like having a sailboat but refusing to put up the sail and using the oars instead. It works so hard at having everything right, people, music, effects but we've forgotten to open the windows and invite the wind to blow among us. We are all in our little boats just a rowing as hard as we can. We have forgotten about the power of the wind. We are clenching our oars so tightly and working with such determination that we wouldn't feel a breeze if it blew on us.
Are you exhausted with rowing your boat? Do you need to discover or maybe rediscover the power of the wind? Do you need to hoist the sail? Do you need to pray "Breathe on me breath of God, fill me with new life, that I may love what you love and do what you do."
When the Spirit comes, he brings life-giving energizing power. That's what the wind tells us.