Tuesday, July 10, 2012

I did it!

I got an email from Sister Rachel today, of course it was after I sent her one telling her that I had passed my class and was now a certified Spiritual Director. What follows are her words to me:

Congratulations, Kim! You are one amazing woman. You remind me of St Mary Magdalen who went to the tomb to anoint Jesus' body; She had a passion to find Jesus and she hung around the empty cave until it happened. You have hung in the journey even when it felt empty and now look what you have for yourself. GREAT GOING.

To hear this from the woman who has walked beside me as my Spiritual Director for almost 2 years and who was my teacher through the spiritual exercises, well it meant a lot to say the least! 

The weekend was awesome on so many levels and yet I walked away feeling that I hadn't experienced what the others had. I think part of me got more than they did mainly cuz I've been through the spiritual exercises and Joe talked to that at a few points this weekend. 

See, I have been struggling lately, with so many things, and other peoples issues that I don't think I've really been hearing from God. Part of me hasn't really wanted to hear from him and part has been screaming out his name. The cool thing that Joe pointed out was that I wasn't depressed, (and I knew this) I was in desolation. Some of the words that describe desolation are: deprivation of companionship; loneliness; sorrow; grief; abandonment. Looking around me, I thought; Well of course, I have forgotten! 

The main difference between depression and desolation is you can feel the weight of depression. It's dark all the way through. There's no hope, joy or light...anywhere. Desolation is different because under it, is hope, joy...Jesus. I had not been abandoned by God! I had gone through the spiritual exercises and I was trying to make what had worked continue to work when I wasn't in the same place. God was opening the door for me again!

It has felt like I've been waiting at the empty cave for months. I'm still waiting, but I'm starting to see the light, to feel the hope and to know where my joy comes from. I'm a Certified Spiritual Director, and I'm pretty pumped about that!    

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