Dread!

I can not remember it being this hot, this early, in a long time. If it has been this hot I was living at a pool and just didn't care. I'm all about staying inside to be cool, but this long term, no outsideness is making me crazy. I don't want to open another box! I have no where to put the boxes I've unloaded, the paper that everything is wrapped in, nor do I want to find one. So I shall retreat to blogging!

I'm getting ready to be at Mount Eagle this weekend to finish up the 2 year program on Spiritual Direction. There's a part of me excited about it and a part that's dreading it. I keep holding onto the dreading part for some reason. Why do we do that? We just don't drop the dread! For me, if I drop it and the worst happens, it will hit me unexpectedly and I will burst into flames and cry in front of everyone! Isn't that silly? But it's true, we hold on to the dread cuz we don't want to be surprised. Now being surprised in the good way, well that's a horse of a different color.


It all comes down to trust and control. It always does in some shade or fashion for some reason. We want control, because surly God doesn't know what's best for me like I know what's best for me! Until we let go of always needing to be in control, we are stuck on the merry go round, when we should be on the trapeze! 

There we are, just swinging. Comfortable with the speed, height and view. In order to grow, do anything new, we have to let go of that bar and wait, our feet firmly planted in mid air, for the other bar or other person to come into our grasp. What if they aren't there? What if something happened to the bar and I let go and ...nothing! We have to trust that God has a plan and this is part of it. We have to let go of trying to control our life and live it. He would not bring me this far just to let me fall! I must trust in the process and know that bar will be there and I will grab ahold of it!