Friday, November 18, 2011


I was doing just fine before I started taking this dang Spiritual Exercise of Saint Ignatius! This week is # 7 and we found out that everything up to this point has prepared us for the start of this week. I am beginning to understand why, this week has been hell and I'm only on day 2! We are meditating on the reality of sin and its effects. Not so much in the world as in our own lives.

I find myself not thinking about sin on a daily basis, or at least I didn't use to. I starting to see that might just be satan's plan, to keep us not thinking about it, so we will do IT more often. I mean really, it's depressing to think about all your sins isn't? Up until about, oh I don't know, 2 days ago, I felt pretty good about myself. This morning my reading was Romans 7:14-25 and Romans 5:1-11. In Chapter 7, Paul is talking about the inner conflict...not doing what I want, but doing what I hate. For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh...So I find that it to be law that when I want to do what is good, evil lies close at hand. Great! Thanks for pointing that out for me Paul. I'm going to bet good money that you don't even hear much of this at church do you? Are you always hearing how much Jesus loves you? Does everyone love Advent, but really doesn't get into the whole Lent season? 

We love the good news as long as it's good and doesn't really go into any detail about what MY sin had to do with holding Jesus up on that cross. I had a really interesting talk with my Catholic Spiritual Director 2 weeks ago about the cross in fact. He was looking at one of the few crosses in the church, and he said that he feels like Protestants, need to look at Jesus hanging on the cross more. I said, But Dude, Jesus isn't on the cross anymore!  He said, I know, but sometimes you need to look at it and remember. It's true, we need to remember what our part was and is. 

Are you a thief? Have you ever taken a pen home from work? How about adultery, something we don't openly talk about huh? Wanting something that belongs to someone else? These are just a few of the things that held Jesus up on that cross. Have you repented, said you were sorry, turned away from it? Is there still stuff thats in your life, keeping you separated from the creator of your soul? If there isn't today, you can bet something will come come up tomorrow. 

I feel justified in hating some things in my life. OK, they aren't things, they're people. I have good reason, I'm justified in my feelings, and I was OK with it until this week began. Then just when I thought I could get by, I read this:
How can hate have any part of me?
For I belong to a man who died on a tree-
for those who hated him.
~E. Stanley Jones