Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Up to something!

I am about to come to the conclusion that God is up to something in his subtle kind of way. I come to this thought not purely by accident, but more by the way of listening and seeking to see in a new way. See, I'm restless and I'm frustrated. I know there is more out there but it's like I'm in a fog and easily distracted by the silliest things. I have no drive to do much and work is such a bore and a waste of time. I can't start to do anything, because when I look up, it's time to get ready for work. So I have been spending time in prayer for direction and reading things that might help in that. St Benedict, St Ignatius of Loyola, St Francis de Sales, the Desert Fathers and Mothers to name a few are what is coming to me. So I'm starting to research them to see what I can gain from them, which I'm sure will be huge. I want to share with you the Prologue from The Rule of Saint Benedict:

In the dome of church
Listen carefully, my son, to the master's instructions, and attend to them with the ear of your heart. This is advice from a father who loves you; welcome it, and faithfully put it into practice. The labor of obedience will bring you back to him from whom you had drifted through the sloth of disobedience. This message of mine is for you, then, if you are ready to give up your own will, once and for all, and armed with the strong and noble weapons of obedience to do battle for the true King, Christ the Lord. 

Hummm, gives you a lot to think about doesn't it? See, I'm thirstier than I have ever been before in my life. I want to know God's will! I want to know him more! In the years since I first started thirsting for him, this has been the first time I have come up dry. So I see myself in a desert, which is where all the Desert Fathers headed, and I'm really restless. 

I ask that you bear with me through this time, because it will show up in this blog. Remember, I'm the one with no filter, it comes out everywhere. I will be writing about my struggles as much as I can and I apologies now if it gets strange. Those of you that know me also know that I will have lighter days when I will need to just crake up at something. This is who I am, serious and full of humor!    


redheadbeck said...

I feel ya sistah!! I'm searching for God's will too and feel like I'm 2 people!!! Prayers for your journey!

Joe Lybrand said...

The lord is teaching you a lot better than I did. Hang in there, you'll get the message when He is ready.