Long

It has been a month since Alex walked down the stage of life that brought us to Wilmore, Kentucky, and graduated with his master’s in divinity. In this past month, we have walked that walk, moved our house and herd of two large dogs and one very talkative cat, started unpacking, and now we're trying to start our life over yet again. This time, it's different, however, and I'm having a hard time putting my finger on it, and I guess that's OK. There is a stirring in me to work yet not at a job like I have known before, and that is hard to figure out too. I feel like I have nothing to say in my blog that would add to anyone’s quality of life, so I have a tuff time starting them now. I find that it's difficult to start and bring anything to completion. I seem to be very unsettled and scattered in my thoughts, and I'm having to answer the question that I knew was coming: "So Kim, what are you going to be doing?" I know they are asking me to be polite, and maybe they really do want to know. I really wish I had an answer for them, but this time around, it's not about me. Wow, just saying that took some of the burden off. I know I'm the one that puts that weight on, cuz Lord knows it's not Alex! I feel for some reason that I should be productive, and when I'm not (in the way the world would call productive), then I'm wasting time and talent. So I struggle—not as hard as I have before, but I still struggle.

I long for a day when it will all be put in its place and I will be able to sit down with a book and read. I long for a garden where I can play in the dirt and be a witness to things growing. I long for some order in the craziness of life that looks like something I have known before. This longing is calling me further out of myself and into the unknown that God is calling me to. So I long, I wait and I seek.