Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Melt Down

I have a confession to make. I had a small meltdown yesterday on the way to Alex's birthday dinner. I know, I should be happy and joyful. Everything is moving right along, there are 25 days until graduation, we found a house to rent, it's an exciting time, and we are riding high on the hog. Well, my hog stopped, and I flew off into the mud head first. Poor Alex, he never knows whether I just need to talk things through or if I'm asking him to fix it all. So being a man, his first stop is to fix; however, I have to give him kudos, because he asked first if this was one of those times that I needed to talk it out. The answer was yes and no. I think I'm just scared! I'm scared to leave this place that has helped me heal and grown me into who I am today. I'm scared to leave the few people who have walked with me on this journey of discovering who I am in Christ and what I have to offer. I'm scared of falling into the dark hole of self-pity, because no one knows me and no one cares. AHHHHGGGGG!
OK, now this is what God showed me this morning. Ready? He is showing me to move forward—to stop looking back and comparing things of then to now. This is a new day, and He is doing a new thing in me. Rejoice! Just like David defeating Goliath—God did it. David showed up and took aim with his smooth stones. David showed up and did his part so God could have the victory. Psalm 13 asks, "How long, oh God, will you forget me? Forever?" then later answers with, "But I trusted in your steadfast love. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me." Do not look to the past to worship only at His tomb. Look above and within to worship the Christ who lives! He will not leave me or forsake me. He will do the hard work if I just show up and take aim with my smooth stones. But I have to be honest and say that at times, I am just scared.

1 comment:

redheadbeck said...

Oh well I saw this coming!!! God is asking you to put your trust in him! But you've been so cloistered at the Seminary-I would be feeling the same way too girl!!! Just breathe and pray!!!! Love ya!