Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Fear Based!

Had a great weekend with my Spiritual Director class at Mount Eagle. We are a hodge-podge group, but we get-her done! Having the time change while your at a retreat sucks. It's hard enough to get everything done without losing an hour. We are now charged with the rubber hitting the road by doing verbatim's, two of them. We find a directee and have a session and write it down and send it in. Then we get our feed back and we do it all again, hopefully better. When we show up again in July, we will know if we passed or not.

Something that I found interesting this weekend is how we all think we are the only ones that have any fear! We speak about it like no one would have any idea what fear is! I mean think about this; How do you scare yourself? Here's my example and see if you have thought about something similar.

I must work! If I don't work, I won't have any money. If I don't have any money, how will I pay the bills? How will I buy gas to put in the truck? How will I eat? I will get thrown out of the house, and have to live in the truck. I won't be able to move the truck because I won't have any gas and it will get towed away and I'll have to find a bush to live under or  a bridge! I won't be able to have enough clothes or have any clean clothes cuz I can't afford to wash them! I'll have to walk back to Durango, cuz that's the best soup kitchen in the world and surly they would fed me!

See how that works? It's a fast downward spiral that leads to the very pit of hell! BUT, it keeps us in jobs that we hate, in relationships that need to change, and in a state of fear that always has us looking behind to see what's following us. We all have it, fear based stuff.  

So how do you stop yourself? Do you? The question that I want to ask is: What are you willing to do? Me? I was willing and really have been willing for years to quit jobs and do something else. However, that has always been from job to job. What I've done lately is listen to what Jesus wants me to do. I have been able to, and willing to, quit my job and not fill it with another one. I have been willing to wait on Jesus, and to seek out what he wants me to be doing. Is it scary? Yeah! Am I out of control? Sometimes. But I'm willing to do it. 

That's how a Spiritual Director can help you, they help you hear the fear and Jesus calling. They can walk beside you in your spiritual life and ask the true director what's up. This weekend, I learned that I'm made for this! That I'm enough and that God made me this way so he could use me this way! I have always thought I needed to change before God could use me! That was a fear based thought! Now that I've gotten that out of my way, look out!          

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