Our Own Way!

What is it about having our own way? Think about that for a minute. I really feel, I think of others first and that I want to help folks out with whatever I can. I want to do the right thing, whatever that happens to be, yet I find myself wanting my way, a lot of the time. Let me give you an example if I may. I like to defer to Preacher man when it comes to picking someplace to eat dinner. If he asks where I want to go, I say, Oh I don't care, what do you feel like eating? I use to think it was because I was thinking of him first, now I seem to think it's because 1) I either really don't care or 2) I don't want to make the decision. YET, if he picks some place like Buffalo Wild Wings, a place that gives us bad service most of the time, I have a fit and want my own way. Do you find yourself doing that?
As a person who is trying to be fully alive and deeply human, I find realizations like this to bring on moments of shame and confusion for me. Paul said it well when he said I do not do what I should, but what I should not! Then we blame it on being human! What's up with that anyway? God made us to be human! If he had wanted us to be angels, he would have made us that way, or elephants or anything else. He wanted us to be human and sometimes it's hard to be the best human we can be cuz we want our own way and not God's way!
Perfect example is Adam and Eve! Lovely couple I'm sure, running around naming things all naked and stuff. Basically having the time of their lives when all of a sudden the dang snake shows up and starts asking questions and then brings up the real stumper of all...and you will be like God, knowing good from evil. Well, wait a minute, God made us to be human, not like God! But pride and having our own way came swiftly into the picture and it's been a struggle ever since!
Something that I'm learning right about now, is that humans are creatures of the earth and we are hopelessly intricately connected to the material world. That's how God made us. Hand full of dust and some divine breath. Not one or the other, but both. It took the divine breath, or spirit, to give life to the dust. So we are both heaven and earth. We have to live into both in order to be fully human, or what God made us to be. That is also the hard part, cuz in that humanness, we struggle to be spiritual.
This my friends, is a huge subject that I am just grabbing a hold of and I gotta say, I'm learning it slowly! I am, however, starting to understand that I need to stop blaming my humanness on my failures and short comings. I need to find that balance between heaven and earth and be who God is calling me to be. It's my job to grab hold of who I am right now and be ALL that God is calling me to be, and stop blaming my humanness and your issues on why I can't be that way!