Wednesday, November 17, 2010

It matters

The yuck from yesterday has seeped into today and it did it without even being invited. It might stem from a lack of uninterrupted sleep that seems to be plaguing my life. Maybe it's because I'm feeling the pressure of school work that needs to get done, along with the holiday's coming up and let's not forget just plain living day to day. 

I gotta admit, there is nothing like having the Department of Human Services come into your house to remind you that you really don't have it all together. I mean, I know I don't and she didn't say we didn't, but in my mind, I really don't have it together. I'm fine one day then the next I'm ready to leave the country for a small island off the coast of somewhere warm so I can just lay around and do what I want to do. I am ready to talk in depth about what Christ has done for me, then within a millisecond I'm on the verge of tears and ready to kick the cat across the street and burn everything in my house. You maybe thinking to yourself, "Bet she's going through the change", well let me tell you about change. It's not my middle name anymore, it has become my first name and I'm sick of it. We have been downsizing for over 4 years now and my mantra has become "I can't have anything nice!"  Gracie broke one of my house plant pots Sunday and I can't find time to repot the thing, I've lost a school book somewhere in this house and tried all morning to blame Alex for taking it and hiding it from me. I hate this house, which is getting mold where the water soaked in from the hot water heater rusting out, the carpet is enough to seek out the owner and shake her and the leaves won't stop falling from the trees. I quite choir but that hasn't freed me up to do anything in it's place cuz I still have handbells, work, bunko and dinner for 8 all to do before Saturday. I stand in the doorway of the spare bedroom and think, "How in the world am I'm going to be able to have children in this place, with no bedroom furniture? How am I going to get it all done?" Then I hear "My grace is sufficient for you." But it's hard to lean on that when you just need a shoulder to cry on and I have no shoulders because I left all my shoulders in a land faraway. So I sit here in front of my computer, and I share with you 6 people that I'm scared, tried and overwhelmed by every stinkin' thing in my life right now. I have friends, but not here. I have family, but they are not here. I have Jesus, but I need him to be in human form right now.

This is harder than I thought it would be. I keep looking for my cape and my super hero ring and I can't seem to find them. Now don't get all crazy and feel like you have to come up here and take care of me, I'll be fine. I just needed to get this off my chest. Bottom line is we all are on a journey and we really do need each other. Take the time today to look into someones eyes and care about what they aren't saying. Look past the surface and beyond the cape, and if they are needing a shoulder, be that shoulder! Because it really does matter!

1 comment:

redheadbeck said...

Aww Sweetie!!! How bout a good ole cyber HUG!!!! I hear ya!!! And I feel ya! Sleep would be GREAT!!! But do be kind to yourself-you've gone through a lot of big changes lately-you are STRESSED! It's natural and normal!!! I love you-hang in there!!!