Rolling

So it seems that I'm starting a few balls rolling, or at least I would like to think I'm doing the rolling. In all honesty I'm just taking a few steps in the direction I think God is calling me and isn't that all he asks us to do sometimes? As most of the 6 of you know that are following this blog, I am trying to discern what God is calling me to do. I believe he wants me involved with healing, spiritual direction, prayer and laughter. So I am looking into what that would mean for me as a job/career. I'm working on re-applying into Asbury, sending in enrollment forms for professional certification in spiritual formation, praying and talking to Alex a lot about all of it. I know he will be glad to start work next week, if for no other reason to have a break from me!
So I'm trying to be still and hear from God. In trying, I find I work too hard, then I beat myself up and don't try as hard, then fell like a slacker. "Get behind me satan!" My, my, my! Am I the only one that feel like I have to be doing something all the time? If I am, I'm moving to a remote location and not telling anyone. I don't think I am and I think a lot of women feel this way because we have believed the lie that we have to measure up. What exactly are we to measure up to? How about we re-think that a little and see what God has to say about it? This is what I know, I am the beloved because God says so! He wants me for himself and wants me to be in Christ because that's where I will find my fulfillment! It sounds really hard, but if I can just be still and listen I think it would become clear. In all honesty, it does become clearer everyday as I seek His face and will for me life. God is in control and his timing is the best. I will know what I'm to do when it's time and the human in me just can't stand not being in control of that. So I will continue to blog about this when ever I fell like it, maybe I'll give you a code word so you can skip it if you want. Naw, I'll take you with me cuz that's what we're called to do, walk with each other down this road of life. I know you help me and maybe my ranting will help you even if it's only to let you know, your pretty normal and you for sure aren't alone!