Tuesday, June 1, 2010


I find myself sitting here this morning with a sense of nothingness inside of me. Yes, there are tons of things that I need to still do, and I will get to them. But I feel like maybe God is calling me to see and feel the emptiness of nothingness. So do I have you totally confused yet? I was talking with my friend Pat last night, and she was feeling the same thing. It's like we finished the goal that was put before us, and now what? So we, and I'm sure many others that have finished school or whatever goal was before them, are at a crossroad of emptiness. This isn't all that bad; it's just really uncomfortable, cuz we don't do it most of the time.
I have been thinking that in order to be filled and empowered to go on the next leg of the journey, you must be done and emptied of what you have been doing. Well, unpacking for days on end isn't done, but the life that we were leading in Wilmore is, and with that comes the emptiness of what used to fill that time. I could walk over to see friends at the drop of a hat, but here—well, I don't have any friends yet. I can still pick up the phone and call friends; however, it would be nice to sit down and chat over coffee. Going out to dinner with Alex is nice, but I already miss our time spent with the group we went to Israel with. So there is an emptiness that is waiting to be filled. I know that it will be and that I should really be enjoying this time of nothingness. But for someone like me, it's hard.
I also need to go for a walk to see where I can go for a run. The time change has been hard on me too, and it's only been one stinkin’ hour. There is no routine, no timeline or pressing goals to work toward, no showers that have to be taken. Having someone like Alex to push me toward another box and to encourage me to shower is what I need. So I thank God for this emptiness that is waiting to be filled and for the way Alex was put together. Because without him, I would sit in a corner and be overwhelmed by the emptiness of nothingness.


redheadbeck said...

Well I don't know what's wrong with me this morning but this post made my cry! Love you dear friend!

Jonathan Powers said...

The only fitting word I can find for change is that it is always bittersweet. It is definitely sweet because of the excitement of something new. You are on the edge of something amazing that is about to begin. However, it's totally bitter because change means saying goodbye to something old for that something new.

I know the bitter can be overwhelming, but I pray the sweetness will continue to grow for you guys as well!

We love you all and miss you tons already!