Being

Real quicky, I wanted to share with you that I don't make stuff up! The people across the street from us, the very ones that wanted to rent our house, have at least 23 bags of trash out today. I took a picture so you would know I’m not stretching the truth.

Yesterday was a hard day for me, and it has a lot to do with this whole "being" thing. See, I don't understand why there isn't this big huge to-do list that everyone has to go by. We get a job, we do the job, we check it off, we move on to the next thing. Everyone working on their jobs and getting stuff done in an effective and efficient way. But NOOOOO! I can't even find the checklist right now, and I think it's because God has hidden it from me. This is what I've been learning—choice and choosing; it all comes down to these, every day.

Now you maybe saying ,"Well, yeah, Kim, of course it does. Everything is a choice." But are you seeing that everything you do is a choice? How you say good morning, whether you let that person in front of you or cut them off, whether you go through that door or stay in the in-between place until the time is right. And how do you know when the time is right? Well, little miss I Gotta Always Be Doing Something, you won't know unless you take the time to “be.” So I'm going to write about being for a minute or five.

You have to choose to be. It doesn't just happen while you’re busy doing something else. For me, I have to sit down and stop. Then I have to remind myself to stop and maybe tell Alex that I'm stopping so he can help me to stop. So I'm spending a ton of energy just trying to stop. Just making the choice to stop requires a lot out of me. Is this because I want control of my situation? Yeah! Do I want to sell my house right now and have a place to live in Arkansas tomorrow and check this off the list of life? What do you think? So in choosing to stop and be, I am also giving up my control of the situation and choosing to let God be in control instead.

I come to the door and I wait. I think it will be any minute, and God will open that door, and I will go running through into the brave new world. But for now, I wait.