Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Bring it God!

Today has been such a better day than yesterday. The weather is still bad, and everyone is complaining about who is making the call to cancel school and what they base that on, how bad the driving conditions are and how they want to kick the poor groundhog in the butt. But we live one block from school. The Deep End (gym) is on campus, and I think the groundhog has been scared off by all the skunks that have been run over lately. 

The coolest part of my day was going to the class that I'm auditing, The Doctrine of the Holy Spirit. The purpose of this class is as follows: “...to provide an intensive treatment of a major Christian doctrine, namely, the person and work of the Holy Spirit (Pneumatology). In our study, we will draw primarily from scripture, along with insights from the Christian tradition and Christian experience, in constructing a doctrine of the Holy Spirit for Christian life and ministry in the church and the world today." OK, I know that sounds heady, but Dr. Steve Seamands has a way of explaining the Holy Spirit like no one else! The first thing he talked about today was brokenness and how we have to be broken at the point of our self-sufficiency! It's a pride issue that we think we can do it ALL, that we have the answers to ALL the questions, and if we just try harder we can make IT happen. Well, I don't know about you, but these issues run through my veins. I was raised to think if I try hard enough I can do anything I set my mind to. Heck, that's part of being an American, isn't it?

So part of what I've been learning while here at seminary has been about not trying so hard. It's been more about letting the triune God have His way in my life and do what He wants me to do. When we got here three and a half years ago, I just knew I should be working on my degree too, so I could get on the deacon track and get a job alongside Alex when we get out of here. The rug was taken out from under that dream in a hurry. However, it seems to be resurfacing again now that I have stopped trying so dang hard. It has been about the brokenness that has occurred to me, that I have asked for and, yes, sought after. I have said "Whatever you say, God," and I've waited. So when I complain about the pain in my leg and how I can't run or that I can't find a job; and who would hire me for three months anyway; that we need to sell this house and where are we going when Alex graduates—I get a peace in my soul that can only come from my Heavenly Father, as he holds me in His lap and says “I gotcha.” So I seek brokenness, and I don't want anybody to save me from it, because in that place, I find God and His will for me! 

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