Monday, March 18, 2013

It's Hard

Do you ever have one of those day's, that turns into one of those weeks, and before you know it, it's one of those months? Wow, I seem to be there and for some reason, can't seem to do much about it. It's like my train has jumped the track and I'm still going in the right direction, just off the track and making a ton of noise, throwing up dust and rocks. I just can't seem to jump back on the tracks. Or am I just loosing it?

The month started out good enough with a discernment retreat for practicum class. Good news, God is still calling me to spiritual direction! By the time I got home, our world was already changing. Preacher man and I are back into youth ministry, which has turned out to be a blessing. 

Went to an Enneagram conference and found out I'm a 3. The Enneagram is an ancient personality tying system that identifies nine types of people and how they relate to one another. It's a power tool for explaining why persons behave the way they do, and why motivation is largely determined by personality.

Was in charge of church pictures. What a trip that was, and still is.

The hardest thing we've done this month was saying good bye to Sam. Words are so hard to come by to explain the hole a beloved pet leaves when they die. This past year, we've also said good bye to Yazi, but Sam was a Golden Retriever, and theres just not anything closer to a Jesus dog than a Golden. 

It was getting harder and harder to get Sam in and out of the house, as his hips continued to fall apart. His breathing was so labored and he just couldn't get around like he wanted to. His last morning, he was laying in the back yard and I went outside with his leash. He struggled to jump up and was so excited to be going on a walk. We went through the gate and had it not been for the bushes, I think he would have fallen. Preacher man was at the truck, and then Sam knew he was going for a truck ride. Sam loves to go! His eyes were so bright and his tail wagged so hard... It took both of us to pick him up and place him in the back. He struggled to his feet and was ready for a ride. As I stood in the yard watching them drive down the road,with tears running down my face, I could see his tail wagging.

Love is hard sometimes. I bet Jesus understand that.

I know Jesus was there to welcome my Sam home, with Yazi and Shyela beside Him. I know he's better off, but I don't want to hear that, so don't say it. It's hard to get up in the morning and not hear that tail hitting the floor in anticipation of me coming down the stairs for a morning belly rub. It's hard not to see the "Happy Dance" that he would do just because you were talking to him. It's hard to watch Gracie wonder where he is and when he's coming back. It's just hard.   


TheEccentricLady said...

Oh Kimmer I am so sorry. I do not cry easily but I have tears in my eyes. As I am reading your post my 8 yr old Redbone is sleeping beside me. He has started to sleep on the floor beside me because he doesn't have it in him some nights to jump up on the bed. After a good walk he is so stiff. I don't want to loose him. I'm feeling your pain but you did what was right and I think I will be making the same decision in the next year or so. I will be praying for you. I would be interested in that personality test.

Kimer said...

Start giving your Redbone Buffered Aspirin. We give our Gracie 1 twice a day, we were giving Sam 3 twice a day. It helps with their pain. Thanks for your kind words. It takes animal people to understand animal people!