Fear

What is up with fear anyway? I just don't get it, I don't want it and it can just go away for all I care! It's not that I'm a fearful person, or so I thought until I started this third week in sin from the spiritual exercises! In fact, if I can muscle my way through something, will it to happen, or work my butt off to see the end product, I am in a very happy place. But aren't we all? And isn't that what Jesus calls us to, go forth and be happy! NOT!!!


I have come to a place where I'm face to face with a fear I thought I had either forgotten about or had muscled my way through. This morning Jesus showed me yet again what I asked him to show me. I don't have faith that I can do certain things. I have failed so many times at so many things that I am fearful to try something new again, even if I know Jesus is with me, and God has made me for such a thing and it's my calling and Preacher man and Pat say I'm ready and they have faith in me to do it! Because it's something that I can't muscle my way through, will to happen or work my butt off to get to the end product. It only has something to do with me because I'm the vessel that God wants to use.

When Preacher man and I were at Seminary, one of the first people he met was a dude named Robert. Robert jumps out of planes. He came to Seminary to be a Chaplain. A chaplain that jumps out of planes. Sometimes Robert even jumps out of planes in the dark, but he doesn't do it alone, he's got his jumpen buddies (or whatever they are called). Robert took classes, read books and started by jumping out of the back of a truck, or something very close to the ground. He learned how to jump into nothingness, steer his way around in the air, how to land and roll so that he wouldn't break anything in his body. He had great teachers, people who had done it a bazzillion and lived to tell about it and, I'm sure he had a desire to jump out of that perfectly good airplane. BUT, I'm sure there was some fear in him when he suited up and got in that perfectly good airplane and took off knowing that he would not be hitting the ground in that very same, perfectly good airplane! Yet, knowing that God had called him to do that, so that He could call him to be a Chaplain, so that Robert could fulfill his calling. 

I'm getting ready to board that plane. I've taken the classes, read the books, been on tons of retreats, talked to the people who have lived through it, yet somehow I feel not quite ready. Surely there are more books to read, more practices to do, something that will make me feel more ready for this. That's when I hear that laughing that always comes from God when I try to out think Him. I start to cry, cuz I'm slowing getting it. This is the meekness that Jesus needs to work through this vessel. This is the humbleness that Jesus wants in order to use me for His purpose. It is not and never will be about what I can muscle my way through or will to happen or work my butt off to see the end product! It's about trusting in where and how and who. Where I've been, How I've been trained and Who I believe in!


I still have some fear, yet I also have a calmness that can only come from the Great Healer Himself! Jesus is my jumpen buddy!         

Watered Down

Tuesday's are strange days for me and heres why. I don't have a large amount to read and ponder. It's my day seven for both of my studies and that's the day of rest. Now, day of rest for me looks like this today.


1. Laundry has got to be done before we start running around naked! Ok it's not that bad, but Preacher man did run out of socks last week!
2. I have Spiritual Exercise class from 10:30 to 12, which I am looking forward to. I have seen God work in my life this week in very restful ways. Which he's done before but it's been different somehow this week.
3. I have to be at the Creek from 12:00 to about 5:00 to help with 48 boxes of shipment coming in. Two things here are strange, I can't get across town that fast to be on time and we have the new fall stuff coming in! It is so strange that I get excited about God and clothes all in the same thought.
4. I leave for Fayetteville around 5:00 for my Voices and Choices class and should be home around 8:00.
Doesn't that sound restful? Shesh!


This is from E. Stanley Jones, The Christ of the Mount.
Years ago when I asked Mahatman Gandhi what we could do to naturalize Christianity in India so that it would cease to be a foreign thing, among other things he replied: "Practice your religion without adulterating it or toning it down" - and he had in mind the Sermon on the Mount. 


This speaks volumes to me and I have to add my AMEN! I am so tired of hearing Christians apologize for the Gospel or water it down. It isn't a book you need to add to or take away from, it's the Bible! It's the Word of God and for some reason, he didn't need our thoughts or suggestions about what needed to go into it when it was written. I will not say I'm sorry that the Bible says, if you don't forgive, God won't forgive you. (Paraphrasing by me) The reason behind this, I believe, is because God wants us to know about the power of forgiveness. It's HUGE people! I will admit, I don't forgive as I should and I want my own kind of vengeance, BUT GOD. It always comes down to but God! He shows up and speaks into our ear and if we listen, life becomes powerful. 


When we adulterate what the Bible says, we are taking the power of God away. We are softening the blow so we can all feel good about where we are in life and we can ride the happy train into hell! For real! 


People want truth, and you know what? They can handle it. I was talking to someone the other day and they said something should not have been done because it made that person uncomfortable! You know what I say to that? Good! Change comes when we get uncomfortable! This life is not about your comfort! It's about becoming more like Christ! It is about dying to self not exalting self! That would be the world talking. 


The world is speaking so loudly; If it feels good, do it. It's your money, do with it as you feel you should. Look out for number 1! There is no power in any of this. The power comes when you say "Here, take what I have God and use it however you need it." You know if the people in the church were to tithe we would not be in the situation we find our selves in today? But everyone thinks everyone else should do their part first and if it works for them, I might do it. There is no power in that. 


Dr Kalas said it best. "Kingdom people should be doing Kingdom work right now, not waiting for the Kingdom to come."